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Cali K.

"Your website saved my life."
updated 03.05.24
03.05.24, Cali K., Your website saved my life. Good afternoon, I just wanted to reach out and let you know that last night I was planning to jump off the skyway bridge. My dad used to be in the Coast Guard and patrolled those waters. I would also help him and his crew when I was a child to patrol those waters when he would take me to work on the weekends. We no longer have a relationship anymore. My mind went into the darkest place humanly possible last night. And for some reason the skyway bridge came to mind. I thought, my dad would be heartbroken hearing that I jumped to my death in the Tampa Bay that he knew so well. I was in the Route 91 mass shooting in Las Vegas back in 2017. Ever since then my mental health and hope for society completely deteriorated. I checked myself into a mental health hospital where they misdiagnosed me with a depressive disorder and a panic disorder. Instead of PTSD. They put me on heavy duty psychotic medication. A few months later I started to feel a bit better and quit all of that medication cold turkey. Thus began my plan to jump off the Grand Canyon. I had an entire plan put together. An entire journal with my goodbyes written, I bought a book called 'Deaths in the Grand Canyon' that I religiously would read over and over. I left everything behind one night and drove from Las Vegas to the north rim, 4 hours away, drinking Jameson and taking pills so I could just "stumble" off the canyon into my death. The park rangers ended up locating me before it happened and took me to a mental health facility in Flagstaff. I spent quite a few days there where I was diagnosed with PTSD and a rapid heart rate that wouldn't seem to slow down on its own. Maybe all the anxiety had caught up to me. I've struggled for almost 7 years now with my mental health. Last night I was starting to prepare to end everything once again, until I found your website. At 2 in the morning I kept reading and rereading and watched the documentary 'Skyway Down' where Hanns spoke volumes to me. The anonymous posts spoke volumes. Your entire website spoke volumes. Your website saved my life last night. It brought me back into reality. I am so sorry to send an essay but I wanted you to know how deeply your website resonated with me. You saved a soul from forever jumping off that bridge. So many thanks. I am so grateful for your website. Feel free to share this story. Thank you again.

03.05.24, hello cali, i read your story and appreciate that you thought enough to let me know you decided to continue your life's effort. you mention the 'route 91' shooting in las vegas in 2017. no doubt that has caused you continued ptsd. it's no wonder your mental health and hope for society completely deteriorated. i can not imagine that horror show. i am so happy you found the website something of a positive. there have been many that found it a helpful resource and a place to find like minded people in very low mental places. you can write as many essays as you need. anything that helps guide you down a better path. i will always respond. please continue your life's fight. you do matter.

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