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MBGupdated 02.11.23 |
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anonymous form posts: 02.05.23, Mike, I plan to jump tonight.. I can’t with the pain 02.05.23, Mbg, Orlando, I have been going through depression.. I plan to jump from the Bridge this week 02.06.23, Mbg, Orlando, regarding: Jumping, I am so depressed.. everyday I thinking about hurting myself.. I am making plans to jump. direct messages through facebook: 02.04.23, M.G., Can you post without your name 02.06.23, yes, all our contact forms are anonymous. you do not have to leave a name or email address. are you the 'Mike' (not his real name) that sent a few notes already? care to talk about your situation? i do care about those that are thinking about self harm. you can email if you like, i will not expose you to anyone. either way, i wish you well. Yes I am. I have been so depressed over the past two months. what has caused this depression? On Tuesday I drove to the bridge, I drove up and down that bridge for hours thinking about jumping, and looking at the fence It just came all of a sudden But I think I always suffered from it what was your state of mind prior to the past two months? Ok.. My friend committed sucide in November is it a family situation? did you lose a love? trouble in school? My family is great.. I am the disappointment did you do something you think disrespected the family? i will not judge you. Yes. I have made bad decisions which will cause them embarrassment .. however if I end it now.. I can save them the shame you are incorrect. while you may have done something embarrassing, nothing will harm them more than you taking yourself out of their lives. may i ask how old you are? 50 you have kids? I am in such pain everyday.. I am so tried and exhausted physical pain? mental? both? Mental Yes I have three daughters we can be our own worst tormentor. i have two daughters. i know for fact that they would be forever devastated that i ended my life. i can not imagine doing something that would justify that end in their minds. is there any way to reconcile this thing you did? financial payment? a workaround? group therapy? I know.. I do feel the same.. everyday I try to find a way to push forward but death is a release from the pain.. I am so sorry to burden you with this you are by far not the first to "burden", which indeed it is not. there have been many through the years that reach out. i want to help you. Thank you I don’t know how to help myself. My plan was to jump tonight when the traffic is light.. I think 1am is the best time. I just want to make sure that they find my body you could try making amends. some way of apology. have you looked into therapy? there are people that can help you. trust me, i have been an embarrassment to my family before. time heals these wounds. focusing on a permanent end is clouding your focus on solving the issue at hand. think of your girls. your end will stop your pain, but will transfer it to them. I am seeking treatment .. they proscibe Prozac but it is not working. I don’t want that. But every time they see me they see my pain. They know I am in pain for the rest of their life, they will remember you that way. drugs are not the answer. getting your mind right without them can be accomplished. I hope so.. because they do not work and I think they make me more sucidical one of the side affects of these "meds" is suicidal thoughts. i feel that anyone that prescribes them is criminal. I believe it unless you murdered someone, you can get though this. I am trying. It is so hard it will take time and won't be easy, but the payoff is real. Can I text you when it gets tough. I hope so time. give yourself time. find qualified help from someone that does not prescribe head meds. Will try you can message me anytime for however long it takes. if i do not answer right away, i will later. i do not do this on my phone. Ok, Thank you so much one day at a time. think about your girls. make your life work for them. time, it all takes time. I am going to try.. good to see that. thank you. try to get out of your negative mind. do you have someone you can confide in? do you have a hobby? would you walk in the woods or a park? ride a bike? a workout routine? reading? something, anything to take your mind to a softer place. any distraction from darkness is a positive step to recovering from your current state. None of those things .. the only thing I have done in the past weeks is research the bridge and what is a fatal height to jump, how they find bodies, and traffic patterns, because I don’t want to cause a traffic jam, And how long it takes Fhp to respond to a car stopped on the bridge. Which tells me how much time I have to climb the fence ok, now channel all that mental exercise to something else. clearly you have the ability to focus, now focus away from those thoughts and on to something else. focus on making your life right, for you, your family, and your girls. forgiveness is within us all, including all of them. give them reason to forgive. do you have religion? if so, seek solace from it. find a group. i feel professional therapists are often too quick to go pharmaceutical. real everyday people that have or are going though troubles, are, in my opinion, better at helping each other power through their troubles, together. each helping the other and in time, getting past them to a better life, a better way of positive thinking. clearly, you have talked things out with others at some point in your life and found positive results. this is just another one of those times, just a bit more troublesome. it will take a bit more to overcome, but you can and will overcome. I am going try.. I am going to get out of this bed and be positive yes, do not lay there and wallow in your depression funk. get up and go for a walk. call a friend. go outside, do something. anyway, stay in touch. i need to slog off to work. like i said, i will respond as soon as i can. hang in there. you are a vital person with a better life ahead. love your children. love yourself. it's that easy. Ok, I will keep in touch 02.08.23, hello... how's it going? I made it through yesterday.. I woke up this morning.. the morning are the hardest evenings are harder for me. the mind spins with everything all at once. it's hard to turn off the negative stuff sometimes. change does not come fast. it's a slow process of gaining something positive every day. That is so true.. What do you to distract your mind since it's at night, as i go to bed, i watch tv until i get really tired. nothing too exciting. don't laugh, but lately i have been watching 'leave it to beaver', the black and white show from the late 50's. it depicts a simpler time, when people had manners and respect. Maybe I should try that.. because I just lay in the bed in the morning, i plan my day. whether it's work or something i want to make, like a project. things to occupy my head. creative stuff. I am going try to do some work and go walking do you have someone you can walk with? Yes.. my friend comes with me, just in case and to just talk to me good. having someone along helps distract a worried mind. try to keep the talking along positive lines. I will.. and I will keep you posted i was just rereading our previous chat and noticed something i missed. you said a friend committed suicide. care to discuss that? doesn't have to be now or ever, your choice. Yes my friend Bobby committed suicide the week before thanksgiving i assume you were close and that his action devastated you. It really did ok, now imagine that hurt for your daughters. it would be far worse. did he confide in you about his feelings? did you feel that something was wrong with him? more importantly, do you feel like you share in some responsibility in his choice? again, you do not have to answer any of my questions. He did.. and we would always talk about it that had to be hard on you, knowing where his head was taking him. The week he did it.. he called me.. but I told him I would call later and never did please, do not let that missed call cause you to assume some level of blame. his decision was his alone to make. he could have called you too, but he did not. ok, i need to head out. enjoy your walk! Ok 02.11.23, checking in... update: as of today, there has been zero further response. |
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