index bottom of page contact feel suicidal?
 

David A.

tells a story. is it his?
updated 12.01.17
11.30.17, i once watched someone jump.... i was working at the benicia valero dock as a security guard. Directly under the benicia bridge. Just me and the dock tech. it was right before my shift ended at 4pm. I happened to be looking in the direction of the bridge and seen him fall and hit the water. He survived the fall and i could see his arms moving, then he died and floated after a few seconds. The dock tech grabbed the boat and pulled him out of the water. He brought him to me and attempted cpr. He was dead as dead could be. Shoes off. Eyes open. blank face. It was surreal, because i've always wondered about jumping off bridges. I jumped off the lake berryessa bridge and cliff's. After a few minutes tons of police showed up, so i left.
   Later i got a job at suisun bay reserve fleet. My right hand man good friend coworker was a coastie at SF coast station. He pulled tons of bodies out of the water from the golden gate...... I asked for every detail and he told me everything. He remembered every detail of every jumper. the ones that hit the rocks. the ones that stayed in the water long term and got eaten by crabs, eyes first, then the soft flesh. it was very interesting. the ones that hit the bridge bolts and he had to pull their face off the bolt. Plenty they never found. Maybe thats for the best. Maybe some people want to become part of the ocean and part of the earth.
   i'm a 90% service connected veteran with Severe and chronic ptsd and major depression. My wife lied to the st. pete police and said "he threatened me a week ago with a pistol" to pay me back for dv that happened in 2013 in california. The worst part is she had my six year old lie to the police and say she witnessed it. Truthfully it never happened. I have hurt her and she has hurt me in the past. This all started because she decided it was a good idea to have a bunch of affairs, tell lies, and it poisoned of marriage and our daughter is suffering because of it. She was called "unfit" in court and daughter is now in a foster home. She turned my baby against me and my baby said she doesnt miss me and im a meanie. It all is too much for me to handle.
   I have no friends, no family, and i live in a constant state of despair. Every day is the same and the future looks bleak. Theres a lot more and maybe ill tell you the rest someday. i have a friend that promised she would tell my story and contact your website and publish it if i ever decided to "opt out" of future misery. I know everything about the subject. I am in treatment at bay pines. i have read everything on your site about not doing it and other sites also. I do think people should have the right to decide for themselves and the temp problem quote is bs. Everyone is different and some things you cant replace or get past.
   I needed my wife.... but i treated her bad.... i did..... but i needed her.... i really really needed her..... she crushed me. i wish she was a better stronger woman and cared enough about me to seek help and "try". instead she did nothing and not only walked away but decided to try to destroy me like a lot of evil weak heartless women do in a divorce..... i have her name and daughters name tattooed on my wrist. I was loyal.
   I lost everything.................
this isnt "my story" and im not going to jump, or hurt myself or others. im safe. and im hoping i can get into veterans treatment court or if i go to trial i pray my daughter comes clean and admits her mother told her to lie to the police.
   i like your website. you should start one for the other bridges also. golden gate, san diego, ny.... all of em........ people have the right to decide for themselves if theyve had enough..... what does it matter anyways..... jump or dont jump and end up with a heart attack or a stroke or cancer or a car accident.... life it short..... i once hit 187mph on a 2006 R1 on a public road... I have wanted to die for a long time..... more of a fascination.... almost magnetic....
   they wont ever let me visit daughter even though she was happy and healthy... doing well in school.........
   honestly i wish i had my wife back.... i really really really loved her and messed up losing her..... i love her ever after everything... i forgive her..... and if i go i'll be waiting for her.
   i will always be hers.......
   i might send you more in a few months if things dont work out....
   keep up the good work phil and fuck the haters... people have the right to decide for themselves
   david a.

   hello david and/or your "friend",
   i'm having problems with the "
but i treated her bad.... i did" part. that in and of itself explains why you no longer have the wife and why she "crushed" you. for you to then go on to say, "i wish she was a better stronger woman and cared enough about me to seek help and "try". instead she did nothing and not only walked away but decided to try to destroy me like a lot of evil weak heartless women do in a divorce" is perhaps the most narcissistic thing i've ever read. you treated her like shit and she took revenge. it's a normal human reaction.
   treating someone bad and expecting undying love in return, is the same as expecting to fly and then getting upset you keep hitting the ground every time you try. what was she to do, hang around for more mistreatment and then make you a sandwich afterward? you screwed up and now you need to deal with it. taking yourself out is an option, but i doubt it's the option you truly want.
   get your shit together and be a better person. stop wallowing in what you can never have again and find a new path in life. maybe then you will find love again and having learned from your mistakes, can treat this new love better than the past love. healthy minded people can only give love when they feel love. being trapped in a marriage of mistreatment, is not where love lives.
   at some point, with hard work and help, maybe you will even share life with your daughter to some degree.
   i truly hope you make the necessary changes for a better life. if you wish to further dialog, please do, phil.

stories index
.

 

index contact top of page feel suicidal?